“Good to take some time to Linger”
♥️♥️♥️ Good Morning Tamara! I agree 100% And your experiences as well as your very objective insight point out how natural and perhaps necessary this behavior is as part of the grieving process which can be even extremely difficult for some people more than others due to their level of sensitivity and personal hardship dealing with loss especially if such a person had invested so much of themself into the one they lost; this shock of facing our own mortality and those we love so much demonstrates I think a deep even unconscious seeking of security! I believe what a professor once said many years ago in a university World Literature class about what she phrased as “The Human Condition” which at the time I remember it struck me as something I never had realized up to that point, how we people are so fragile and we do have a condition which includes great vulnerability and naturally can create tension or even fear! Perhaps even though most of the time its subliminal and so overshadowed by all of our conscious efforts to survive and get through another day here in the living we are distracted enough, to not dwell on or ponder this deep seated concern as more than a passing uncomfortable thought and something no one really wants to think about, such as the losing of loved ones and even our own lives. Of course many will say this is where faith comes in and with a strong belief in God we shouldn’t have to worry or be frightened of these prospects that we inevitably must face moving forward! But even with faith as strong as it can be from my own experience, and I really know God is absolutely there, so I do trust in Him as Jesus is the Savior without a doubt; I still have the fact of my being here in the here and now as a flesh, fragile and at times very sensitive emotional being who is suffering with so many others who are the same, in this human condition! Sadness can take hold and you are right to point out how this is a normal thing to experience and as I see this situation it must be allowed to take its course in a sensible compassionate way as a cathartic necessity for we living vulnerable humans that can experience a wide range of emotions from joy and ecstasy to sheer and utter fear; all of these emotions normal and natural consequences of being imperfect fallible mortal creatures; who want to cling to life and preserve all they can in order to survive; while also feeling secure.
One caveat here I want to mention about my own experience, was when I lost another of my dogs another Samoyed which was the runt of the litter that my other Samoyed had which I’ve written about. When I lost this dog it was so hard to contain the shock of this reality once again striking my heart and soul. I was taking care of her like a hospice patient when she developed liver cancer and being nearly 17 of our years old, which is up there as you know for a dog’s lifespan, and so the potential of any success for treatment being nearly zero; yet rather than have her euthanized which all those involved at the time had suggested I wanted her to decide when she was ready to leave me! So, I said no, I’m going to let her continue trying to get any happiness out of living among us, me, the other dogs and family, as long as she wants to try, and isn’t in any horrible pain or too serious discomfort that she doesn’t want, but, because she was always so determined it’s better to let her hang on as long as she wants to try! I know my dogs very well and this fur baby was so precious and loved me so deeply wanting to stay around probably more for my sake than her own, so I would go to work and leave her and the other dogs making sure she was as comfortable as she could be. I would look in her eyes every day, talking to her while being able to truly communicate I think even more on a deeper spiritual level, like that dogs 6th sense thing, so we communed well enough that I could tell if she wanted to stay in this world or not! And she was always a spitfire running the fastest and showing the most exuberance when I would be tossing the ball for the dogs to chase, she would typically beat all of them to it and run right back to me faithfully! Even now I cry remembering how amazing her spirit to please and be alive was so strong; as I do believe that anything so profoundly good will always be with God in eternity! Because God being Omnipotent and Eternal from which all good comes, this good is never lost, just like the concept of matter cannot be created nor destroyed in its simplest or purest form, the First Law of Thermodynamics states that neither matter nor energy can be created or destroyed. The amount of energy in the universe is constant – energy can be changed, moved, controlled, stored, or dissipated. However, this energy cannot be created from nothing or reduced to nothing. allaboutscience.org .
Albert Einstein said this; “We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest. A kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from the prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. The true value of a human being is determined by the measure and the sense in which they have obtained liberation from the self.” Einstein on Self and the Mystical Albert Einstein 1954
I think his great perception of this living earthbound reality along with my own personal perspective of religious experience even of the mystical around us spells out or confirms so profoundly how this real sense of beyond there being more to it all than meets the eyes truly is; we are absolutely part of God the Creator, and He has it all ultimately covered for the best possible outcome when all is said and done; according to His loving plan!
So I’m saying this is all a great hope to me living imperfect in this here and now, knowing this is bigger than me and you or the whole human race and rests solely in God’s hands! This actually reduces fear, knowing that God has revealed this Great God Truth to mankind, if we just take the time while being truly faithful to Him to look for His ultimate Truth! Seek and you will find knock and the door shall be opened! We are not to expect we can know anything we want and so there are huge limits upon us as to what God will allow us to know and not know while living in this plane of existence but the great news is He gives us what we need to know and didn’t give us more than we can handle which is a very well know adage as I’m sure you are aware!
“18Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19Again, I tell you truly that if two of you on the earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by My Father in heaven. 20For where two or three gather together in My name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18-20
But back to my little spitfire runt passing on; late one night as I got ready to leave for work at my local government job, I made sure she was comfortable as usual and her being so frail at this point I had left her on my bed to feel close to me knowing her time was coming, even most likely that day; we both knew it. She had not been in any real pain to speak of other than being quite weak and her having been missing being that spitfire unable to join the other dogs, it must have been sad for her I thought, but, her desire to hang in there and stick to me with such great loyalty was so strong a force and more important to her, as she really wanted to please me and be my little champion! I had just gotten a small dose of tramadol from the Vet in case she suddenly took a turn for the worst and some event internally took place putting her in great pain, I would provide the medication to ease her through it. As I said, I knew and she knew the time had come and typically when she was lying on my bed I would play what had obviously become her favorite song just by how relaxed she would be as it played on the stereo; that song by the Cranberries, Linger! I get emotional again now with happy but deep heart felt tears as I know it was all in God’s hands now and did trust we had done the right thing for her! I left for work and had given her a dose of tramadol with the music playing softly in the background on continuous loop. A blessing in disguise was how I had for a short period been placed on an overnight shift when typically for years I worked the day shift there; so when I returned home early in the morning I immediately looked down the hall toward my bedroom and saw her lying there with her mouth open and still breathing! I sat with her talking and comforting her as I actually told her thank you for being such a brave good dog and friend, as now it was quite obvious to us both the time had come and it was time to leave! I hugged her and then scooped her up in my arms because she had soiled herself a bit lying on the puppy pads, and so I had to bring her outside at the back of the house to clean her. As I carried her in my arms I walked on the many Autumn leaves from the huge trees that had actually just fallen all around the area overnight making a beautiful carpet of natural color for her as if prepared for her as a special gift from God to touch this earth for the last time with me as her best friend and custodian for God. Just as I was placing her down onto these leaves she took her last breath in my arms and I of course cried, but, I was so joyful too, knowing the whole experience was a huge blessing and gift from God to both of us! I told her thank you for waiting until I got home to see me here one last time, and I know she did wait for sure; and God had us covered the whole time! Meanwhile,“Good to take some time to Linger.”
Now though I see all of this and it is absolute in my heart and mind I still was suffering for a time and where I worked at the time there was a chemist who studied theology, and had as a matter of fact been about to become a priest at the time when he was in the monastery, but, then he had an epiphany which instructed him to take another path; so being the chemist where I worked did open up this special opportunity for me and him to converse on many occasions about so much, but, most important and quite often about our faith and Catholicism. Just after this loss of my dog I was returned to my original day shift and once again had the theological conversations, but, at this time I was still carrying a lot of tension over the loss and as I’ve done other times wondered if I could have done anything even more or better! So while I spoke with this man I got into the aspect of this what I’ve alluded to here, of how God brings all the most beautiful and good of our earthly trials back into Himself in His Everlasting Perfect Holy Kingdom and this must include the beautiful dogs, because of our so special relationships with them! This man told me right off the bat; first you didn’t own her and second you don’t let go! I was really shocked as I saw it as a lack of insight and compassion to say this, knowing full well how deeply passionate I am about my dogs and animals in general. He said I’m just not letting go and that is what you’re doing wrong with this! I saw it then as I still do now, how I do let go, as what other choice do I have, but, I actually do allow things to drag out and Linger! Because to me that is a good thing to keep that feeling and 6th sense going, playing out over a natural time progression that is fitting for me, which is my right to grieve; while allowing the connection to now actually be broken physically yet though the dog is not physically here I know that through God Almighty she is still my friend and I’m her best friend; which is Never going to end! I think this man made the right decision not to be an ordained priest for good reason, and, maybe I should have become one is a passing thought, while of course knowing I didn’t in the literal sense and that is fine; also for good reason; though that is a question that will only be properly and definitively answered when I meet God!
God bless you and yours!
Brother in Christ Jesus,