I’m very sad that you suffered my friend along with your family and believe your Dad suffered through all that turmoil and dishing out his abuse which was from a tormented soul. I do know there is God, and justice will always prevail, even though we don’t always see it or get the picture right away it is all going to come out that good overcame evil, light overcame the darkness! What you went through was absolutely horrible and heartbreaking to me, I even cry thinking of the little girl being subjected to all of that when by right she should have been caressed with gentle and comforting, nurturing love and affection by all those around her that were and are her family!
Now look, you made it through all of it and on this side of that earthly hellish nightmare you do good things and taught your kids to do the same which it sounds like they get it and live as peacefully and proper as they should and can, which is a credit to your determination not to do harm and be a horrid parent like your dad was! Don’t be sad or angry when I say this, but I even feel pity on your dad and see so much waste and loss by his being consumed by the alcohol and devils that go along with it. Scripture as you know addresses remaining sober at all times, and says we should not to fall into drunkenness; and why is that do you think? Because then one opens them self up to all manner of corruption and yes evil! As I told you I actually put out an effort to have my former cousin in-law much the kind of person your dad was, thought of in special prayers by a highly devout group of Christian Brothers of the Catholic Church which along with my own thoughts and prayers is my sincere hope that he won’t be damned to hell which is permanent as you know once God judges a soul!
I believe in hope and that is why I see it the way I do even for my cousin in-law who like you got me so angry at times I felt he would be better off dead but that was not up to me even though I asked God to take him as I’m sure my cousin did at times and you and your mom did your dad! That HOPE thing is important to hold dear in the heart, because it has much to do with what we are here for and goes to the question you ask as to why God would let this suffering of yours go on like it did! I’m sure you agree we are learning from all of this good, bad and ugly by means of FREE WILL. If God steps in and stops this or that in the billions of lives on earth then He is a Master Puppeteer and this is all some theater type shows for his amusements, do you get that? God is the greatest LOVE and we are minute peons in comparison to the actual LOVE He has and can give to any of us for the asking! That was the purpose of the Crucifixion and taking DEATH ON when he didn’t even deserve a slap in the face yet HE did that for YOU! You think you suffered? Now compare it to Jesus Christ, all good and all love, perfect yet being blamed for all sin and the most evil ugly crimes and filthy scum horrible things committed by all humans that ever lived and will live being put on his heart and soul and taking them all as His own when he is ABSOLUTELY PURE LOVE and WITHOUT BLAME! Why the hell would he do that and be suffering beyond any human’s comprehension of suffering, WHY? I can tell you what you already KNOW! He LOVES YOU that much and YOU mean that MUCH to Him! He wants to SAVE us all but it MUST be a FREE WILL CHOICE! That way you see and understand and then, you do love Him with all of your heart and soul.
I hear the hurt and also the defiance in your tone and heart saying yes I believe in my own way, but you are saying I’m pissed off at God and I don’t know what I believe for sure about all of that; except that I will try being a nice person, and helping kids or animals is my way of showing it! When you say” why would God let all this bad happen to us and leave us to suffer in this messed up world;” you are playing into the hands of evil! Anti-God, Anti-Christ atheists use that ploy all of the time saying there is NO God because if there was He would stop it all with the snap of fingers or blink of the eye. Poppycock, so said the Devil; then we would be all bots that God made and have NO Free Will and thus NO Free Mind or Heart to actually choose to Love Him or each other! I Say if there was no imperfection or evil nothing would go wrong, it would all be bliss as was mentioned in the Garden during INNOCENCE, before all of this! But there must be positive and negative, light and dark in order to have Free Will and Creative Free Minds and Hearts!
You’re angry deep inside and I get it, and I am too at times but never at God; I know He helped me in many circumstances at times but didn’t stop bad shit from happening to me many times. I have to blame myself first for some of it and then the rotten corrupted or even wicked persons that did me harm intentionally out of hate, jealousy or selfish material gain! You may not like what I’m about to tell you but so be it because you need it! You must strengthen your FAITH like never before and GROW in your LOVE for Him your personal Savior who is waiting for you to see how much He loves you, and what great plans He has for you! “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.” You can choose to believe that in your heart and mean it, or you can say whatever and pretend you believe as many people do today when they say I don’t talk about religion which is ridiculous on its face! It’s like a leper to say you believe and I love God through His begotten Son, and I love Him so much I want to shout it from the roof tops? To say you must be silent is saying you are not devout; and doing it in your own way is poppycock, you are mad and blaming God for your pain and suffering and have not opened your heart to Him and turned your life over to Him! So many others suffer way more than our suffering!
This life is very short look how in your dad’s case 30ish years, which is like a puff on a cigarette as some folks that smoked many most their lives would say in terms of earthly time. God is Timeless and Eternal and Pure Love, do you want that? Then make up your mind and most importantly your HEART; to truly trust and love Him in return and hand it all over to Him! If any of us makes the worst decision here in this short life we may find after it, that we pay for that wrong choice for ETERNITY; is it worth a gamble and just saying whatever and I’ll wait and see? Not for me no way no how, I plan on being where God and all my loved ones and anything that is good will be for Eternity, so I can be happy, loving and loved beyond imagination!
God says in the Holy Scriptures this world is passing away, what do you think he said that for thousands of years ago? Because in the book of Revelations it says it will all come to an end, and I see it happening without a doubt, so this is a temporary almost fake world compared to the Higher Spiritual complete and perfect world God has prepared for any who want it, but there is one way to get it! JESUS CHRIST! God suffered and took on all of that for any of us to have this chance now that is right in our faces! Take it or leave it, the choice is yours!